This Is Crude…but…

Okay, so Steve calls me and says he has an idea. He prefaces it by saying it’s crude, well not so crude, but still crude – a way to lose weight. Or something that could jolt a person into getting serious about losing weight. Of course it wouldn’t be for everybody, but it could help some people.

Yeah it’s kinda crude. But then if it works for some people, then what’s the crude-fuss about?

First thing in the morning, or whenever you first use the bathroom, using your smart phone take a picture of your first dump of the day and then every other dump you take throughout the day. Keep track. Print them out and hang them on your wall or scrapbook them.

Steve says he’s getting worried, ’cause he didn’t know he was eating as much as his dumps tell him he’s eating. Oh my God he says, did I eat all that? So I say, at least you’re getting rid of it. Then it made me remember something my mother said her boss told her when he was trying to lose weight. “If you want to shit like an elephant you have to eat like an elephant.” Evidently some people like to shit a lot, it makes them feel something, maybe powerful, maybe successful. I don’t know, maybe as a child being potty-trained they were praised for a big dump.

Maybe Steve’s right in that people should pay more attention to their dumps. Most people say they don’t eat all that much, but the dump doesn’t lie. So yeah, take a picture, many pictures, till you believe the dump. You ate a lot. A whole lot. Too much.

Remember, the dump doesn’t lie.






 

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